2020 was a year like no other (I have experienced). I have grieved the loss of things I loved and even those I did not like so much. Celebrated the clarity and new focus with all the energy my little optimistic heart could muster… so why after an entire year of readjusting to ‘new normal’ did my first week back at work feel so difficult?
Seriously if a week could be a learner driver, last week was it! I crunched through all of my gear changes, stalled on the slightest uphill and cried because why did EVERYONE else make it look so easy and here, I am feeling totally out of my depth and useless!
I realised that the reason it was feeling so hard to start was because I was honestly scared to start.
That starting means putting energy, hope and your heart out there when in one presidential speech it could be crushed, changed or totally illegal to do.
That actually the mental and emotional ripples of last year are still very real and maybe only just starting to show.
If I am feeling like this, then chances are so are you…for work, for general life and especially for wedding planning! So, what can I / we do about it?
In 2020 I feel we all, rightly so, did a lot of waiting around. We waited to see what next month would bring, we held on to every news announcement date, and we hoped it would be better by Christmas.
Keeping hope and going slow enough to process things consciously is not what I’m rebelling against this year, because I cherish those practises deeply… but what we can’t do is stop or hide and then blame COVID-19, or the government, or any other external force.
“When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.” – Viktor E. Frankl –
If next week we go back into level 5 lock down, what do you want to do this week that makes you happy, full, and ready? Yes, I know some things take time to plan, some things can’t be done this week BUT don’t wait to start them, is what I’m saying. Otherwise, you may wait indefinitely.
Pop Up Weddings are already fully functioning and pre planned (ie. We have done all the admin and searching for you already) are looking into decreasing our deposit amounts, finding ways to accommodate potential rolling of Pop Up and other small wedding dates in 2021, and basically adapting OURSELVES to the fluidity needed to thrive, plan, and celebrate in 2021.
If you are engaged or wanting to get married, rather find suppliers who are adapting and new ways to wed (like our micro wedding offerings) than putting off your marriage. Because marriage is the goal, not your wedding day!
2- Find the essence of things.
Essence meaning “a property or group of properties of something without which it would not exist or be what it is.”
At the core of every event no matter if it’s for 500 guests or an elopement for 2, there is a base essence. A property, feeling or mindset that comes from the couple which despite or in spite all the external elements (décor, flowers, food or wedding dress) makes the day feel and turn out the way it does.
In all my years of wedding planning the weddings (and any other event actually) that are enjoyed the most are those that can capture the essence or true ‘why’ of the couple. And had very little to do with how many guests were there, what they ate or even where they were.
The celebration essence of fun makes a rained-out ceremony a great adventure, a brilliant photo op and an epic story to tell.
A couple wanting to hero focus makes a conceivably ‘lonely’ elopement day the most intensely romantic and holy of celebrations.
The principal of a lifelong marriage makes a wedding day the first sentence in your love story, not the best and last chapter of it.
So, what is your essence? What are the minimum elements and factors you need to make your ‘why’ or core priorities come to life? What is the maximum number of factors and elements you need? Now find the place between these two that can be done safely, in a timeline that works for you (not everyone else) and is true to you.
3- Ask for help.
Have no cooking clue what your essence as a couple is, or how to even start translating that into a legal, safe, and special wedding day? Ask for help!
Help can come from:
- An honest and morally aligned wedding professional.
- A therapist.
- A soul or spiritual teacher or practice.
- A trusted friend or family member (I find grandparents/older folk to have a great neutral and super wise perspective on things).
- Each other! This sounds super obvious but have you sat and spoken not about what and who will be part of your wedding BUT what is actually important to YOU and YOUR love story?!
4- Go easy on yourself.
This is a hard ask, I know. We are so used to and trained to beat ourselves up, push harder, do more, expect more, that having faith in the process and going with the flow can feel like flat out failure. This is my mantra for 2021 – you are welcome to steal it.
“And it’s over and I’m going under
But I’m not giving up
I’m just giving in”
Having a smaller wedding when you wanted a huge traditional celebration is absolutely no reflection on you, your relationship and what you can and can’t do!
Saying “I do” two weeks after getting engaged is not taboo (who cares if they think you are pregnant, also yay if you are!)
Just like waiting two years to get married because your celebration essence needs 500 people, a massive budget and shots all night is also ok.
No one knows what they are doing, and no one has it all figured out – I promise!
Here’s to a no fear approach to wedding planning (and life) in 2021. If you have more questions or want more ideas or resources on how to find your celebration essence, please email us on [email protected] to start chatting.
Please also share this with a friend or straight to your social media if you think they need to hear it!